I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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