His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
