It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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