How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why are your pants in the freezer?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
