I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
