That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
