I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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