Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
