at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
