no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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