Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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