I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Couch. On fire.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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