the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
