I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
