Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this just has baby written all over it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
