i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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