dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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