Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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