I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
