After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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