idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
