I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
