Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BRING THE BAGELS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
