So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
