i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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