I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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