Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
