Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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