If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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