If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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