Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
