I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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