The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
