I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
