i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
