what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
