we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
