I wish I could teleport
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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