The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
