i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
