well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
