So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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