I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
