Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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