I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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