haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
