Soap is not a condiment
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
