and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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