You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
