Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
