just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
