turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
