if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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